Monthly Archive for June, 2008

Daddy Time, Redux

Update: I originally wrote this last night, I’ve rewritten the last two paragraphs because they were essentially unreadable.  Now, I’m going to watch Revolver.

Kim decided to go see a movie with ‘the girls’ this evening, so Abby was left with me. She was fussy at first, but by the time I had her diaper changed, the car loaded, and the baby Bjorn adjusted, she was pretty much conked out. We met her uncle Brian at Starbucks, she woke up to eat and all that, and then he left and we went to Borders, because it’s her favorite.

I found the Orson Scott Card book I was looking for, “Characters and Viewpoint” and Abby got to ride around in her Bjorn. She really enjoys that thing, it settles her right down. That is, until I try to pull her out.

Oddly, the attendant told me that I was the second person wearing a baby (bjorn) who asked him where the books on writing were.

I was thinking about the odds of it. In the same day, two people wearing a baby went to the same Borders and asked the same employee where the “writing” section was. Maybe there’s someone else out there who looked at his daughter, who held her, who kissed her face, and said to himself, “Self…I can’t keep leaving her. There’s got to be a better way to live.” And if he does exist, I’d love to meet him. I’d love to talk to him over a cup of coffee, to figure out what he thinks about writing, and art and music, family and manhood, to see how similar we are.

He may exist, but I’d like to posit another possible reality…What if, in the future, I invent a time machine. I go back in time to get the last copy of a discontinued first edition of an important writing book. Since my future self was wearing a baby, it must have been a very near-future me. And if I was willing to risk Abby in a dangerous and untried time travel machine, the book must be extremely important. Despite my future-self knowing where the writing books were, I’d have to ask that attendant about it, to set the ball in motion…And that’s why I have to take Abby, so the attendant makes the connection and makes that comment to now-me, so now-me will know that the other guy is really future-me, and understand what I need me to do! If that’s the case, I need to go get started on my time machine right now!

Worldbuilding

It’s been a whirlwind weekend, and the majority of my “writing” has occurred in my notebook and in my head.  I’m on the cusp of having some things figured out that will make this project doable, and I might not wait till November to start.  That’s not to say I’m not doing NaNoWriMo, it just might be that the stuff I write for NaNo is the Middle portion of it, instead of the whole thing.

I’m really excited about the ideas I’ve been having, and I’m trying to let them marinate so I don’t mutilate them.  I have a feeling it’s going to turn into a “You can see it when it’s done”.  Even for my trusty Beta readers.  But if any nice little vignettes reveal themselves, I’ll certainly share them.

On Magic: I love it, and I want to create a magical world, but I don’t want magic to be a panacea for all problems.  I have some interesting consequences, as discussed briefly in a previous post.  Hopefully my concept is unique, and not…inane.  Look, I don’t want balls of fire smashing down buildings.  That’s not subtle or entertaining.  If you’re going to make a ball of fire it should behave like fire.  Not smash through a building.  I get that it’s magic fire, I do.  But Magic Fire is still Fire, right?  …Right?  Books are about humans dealing with problems.  Imbuing them with super-powers that obviate character development or personal sacrifice is lame and juvenile

I think that’s all I have for right now.  Work in 8 hours, time for bed…3 hours ago.

Hands-Free Cellphone law…Wow.

File this under “waste of taxpayer dollars” and/or “useless legislation.” Effective July 1st, 2008, California vehicle code prohibits the use of cell phones while operating a motor vehicle. There are several exceptions, but the only one that’s pertinent for most people is the “Unless you’re using a hands-free device” exception. The vehicle code reads as follows:

23123. (a) A person shall not drive a motor vehicle while using a wireless telephone unless that telephone is specifically designed and configured to allow hands-free listening and talking, and is used in that manner while driving.[1]

Why is this law stupid? There are so many reasons. All this law says is that if you’re talking on the phone while driving you must use a handsfree device (a headset, or on- or in-ear piece). The implication is that the act of holding up the phone, not the conversation itself, is what distracts drivers and causes them to be dangerous.

False, according to the University of South Carolina:

“We measured their attention level and found that subjects were four times more distracted while preparing to speak or speaking than when they were listening,” said Almor of the 47 people who participated in the experiment. “People can tune in or out as needed when listening.”[2]

And that makes sense. It’s not really distracting to hold your hand up to your face. It’s also pretty easy to listen to things without crashing. Talk radio has been around for a while, and hasn’t caused many major accidents, I’m sure. Here’s an easy test: Next time you’re driving, turn on your radio, then put your hand on your cheek. Continue to drive. Did you crash? Good.

While this law prohibits something that categorically is not dangerous, it also fails to prohibit things that are very obviously dangerous. What does it not prohibit?

  • Texting while driving
  • Checking your email while driving
  • Using a laptop while driving
  • Playing with your GPS unit while driving
  • Using a typewriter while driving
  • Kneading dough for a pizza crust while driving

    You get the idea. Any law that goes through the legislature costs California money. Pushing through stupid, ineffective laws that do nothing to improve quality of life or safeguard the community might be how the legislature stays busy in the slow season, but it shouldn’t be acceptable to those of us whom they work for.

    [1] Vehicle Code Section 23123
    [2] Talking Distractions: Study Shows Why Cell Phones and Driving Don’t Mix

    Hiring Preferences

    In the world there are somewhere in the neighborhood of 5 billion different types of people.  Because I wouldn’t even COUNT to five billion (I could, but I wouldn’t) I’m not going to talk about each type.  But I will take 5 billion people and greatly simplify their astonishing uniqueness.  When hiring for a technical position I’ve run into four broad types of people.

    1. Qualified / Unmotivated

    This person is perfect for a position as a mall security guard, but may not be proactive enough to look for problems before they occur.  The problems with the Qualified / Unmotivated candidate often stem from their qualification.  Because they have experience with XYZ and know enough to recover from most major issues with the system, they’ve become lax in upkeep.  It costs them less time to repair a problem that has occured than it does to be proactive and take steps to prevent that problem, so they wait for disaster to strike before doing anything.

    2. Unqualified / Unmotivated

    The best combination of useless traits, the Unqualified / Unmotivated candidate often comes with an interesting Fringe Benefit: they think they’re the best thing since sliced bread.  These people either delude themselves, or know the truth and grossly exaggerate their own skill level.  In addition to being completely unqualified for the position you’ve advertised, they are so impressed with themselves that they feel no obligation to even pretend like they’ve studied, or are willing to study, the systems that you work with.

    3. Unqualified / Motivated

    These candidates can become the rock-stars of your team.  They know they’re starting out at a disadvantage, and if they’re sufficiently motivated and interested in their jobs they’ll expend Personal Energy* to bridge the gap, often learning more about their given responsibilities than a Qualified / Unmotivated person would ever learn.  The Unqualified / Motivated employee can be a boon to a manager that is only authorized to hire a Junior level resource.

    4. Qualified / Motivated

    This combination does not exist.  It has been rumored in several organizations, but I have seen no direct evidence of it being real.  People who are motivated by a desire to learn and excel (to be elite) are constantly putting themselves into positions for which they are unqualified.  By refusing to linger in a job that they are totally qualified for, but unchallenged by, they push themselves through often rapid and extreme personal and professional growth.  These are the only types of people that will ever reach the pinnacle of their profession, and when they get there they often take a very “Meta” view of their profession.  They look down at the mountain that they have climbed and start innovating, making the mountain better.  What else is there to challenge yourself with when you’ve mastered something, except improving the thing that you’ve just mastered?

    I think that the best employee to hire is the one who has shown evidence of their ability to learn (growth within each previous position) evidence of responsibility (growth of duties and tenure), and that can articulate a desire to learn and a motivation for that desire.  Irrespective of their experience with the specific technology that your company specializes in.  If you find this person, and you can hire either them or a lukewarm but well qualified individual who has been doing the same job for 10 years, there is almost no scenario in which it will be better for your department or company to hire the lukewarm “Qualified / Unmotivated” candidate.

    In fact, hiring this person would be actively detrimental to your productivity.  Maybe next week I’ll write a post on the importance of Culture vs. Consistency.

    On a completely unrelated note, is it tacky to Share your own blog post in your Google Reader?  ;)

    *: Personal Energy is a broad term that I use to describe the chi, the animus, the life-force of an employee outside of work hours.  This “personal energy” is usually used to hang out with friends, or go to Borders, or watch Lost.  Sometimes, it’s used to read technical manuals, write or tinker with programs that are work related, or think about better ways of doing ones job.  If a person is passionate about what they’re doing, and about the Vision of their organization, they will expend Personal Energy to accomplish Work Goals.

    Macaroni Grill

    I don’t know if they grill actual macaroni’s or if it’s just a figure of…something…What I do know is that dinner was delicious.  And now I’m watching The Illusionist, which is fantastic, and pondering sleep, which I’m also quite fond of.

    I’ve been trying to flesh out a workable and interesting fantastic world, and to that end I was talking to Kim after dinner.  I didn’t give her any context, so this conversation was just her answering my weird questions:

    Me: What is the cost of magic?
    Kim: What?
    Me: The cost, to do magic.  What does it cost?
    Kim: A lot.
    Me: Ok…but what?
    Kim: Your soul.
    Me: Well, that’s a lot.
    Kim: yeah.
    Me: What if it’s a selfless act?  Does it still cost your soul?
    Kim: well, no.  If it’s selfless, it’s free.
    Me: But there’s really no such thing as a truly selfless act, is there?
    Kim: I guess not.

    This raises an interesting dilemma.  If the cost of magic is variable based on intent, some sort of consciousness is implied on the part of magic.  Some kind of ability to discern the heart and mind of its practitioner, and then a framework with which it makes value judgments after that discernment has been made.  This flies in the face of magic being a set of Laws, like the laws of physics.  Relatively inert, and with no will or agenda of its own.

    What then?  Is it inert and without aim, or imbued with the apparatus to judge, decide, and penalize based on intent?  I guess it could be developed interestingly either way.

    So the question is, what is the cost of magic?

    32 Hours Earlier

    Alistair stepped out of the train as soon as the doors opened. He threaded his way through the crowd and found himself blinking in the midday sun outside of the tube station.  A black sedan pulled out of the stream of traffic and came to a stop directly in front of him.  As he slid into the backseat, the smell of cigarettes and oranges washed over him.

    “Morning, sir.”

    “Yes,” Alistair said, “you know where you’re taking me?”

    “Yes, sir.”

    Satisfied, he relaxed into the leather seat. He ran his thumb over the lions’ head engraved on the handle of his cane, as he considered his situation. The family had called him. He thought he was done with all that boyhood nonsense about princes and lords, Houses and kingdoms, all the machinations of their perverse world, but when they said that he was needed, he found himself incapable of denying them. He assumed that he was going to regret this either for a long time, or for a very short, painful time.

    Outside the window, trees and sidewalks slid past. Compared to the speeds he’d traveled at earlier that same day this was nothing. The chunnel…now that was a modern wonder. There wasn’t a soul that could’ve dreamed of such a thing, when he was a boy. And that didn’t even come close to concords, or mag-levs, or any of the ridiculous technologies of the last 80 years. He shook his head. All this modernization came with a heavy price. There were few alive that remembered what the world was like when Alistair was young, and the history books he’d read in the past few years were remarkably…sparse.

    “We’re here, sir” the driver said, bringing him out of his reverie.

    Alistair nodded. “Here” was an opulent townhome, and as he stepped out of the car and up the steps the front door swung open. Inside stood a woman he hadn’t quite expected, and because old habits die hard, Alistair bowed.

    “I’m glad you came, old man.”

    His face remained impassive, despite his growing sense of unease. His host turned, retreating into the house, and he followed her.

    Alistair didn’t inhale, he knew the smell would steal the breath from his lungs. He lifted the glass of scotch, tasted it, and set it down. After the burning had subsided he spoke.

    “I assume you didn’t bring me two thousand miles to share a drink?”

    “No, of course not.  We have a job for you.  There’s something that needs retrieving, it’s proven impossible for my Coterie to get.  I’ve read the briefs on your past work, and I think your skillset is a good match for this problem.” Carmella said.

    “How many of your Coterie did you send?”

    “Eleven,” she said. “Only eight came back.  You understand that I cannot afford to do that again.”

    Alistair nodded.  People with the abilities required to be of service in a House Coterie were extremely rare, and the serviceable number was always drastically reduced by the rigors of training.  There were all sorts of dangers involved in that training, and none of them were minor.  The few who passed carried scars for the rest of their lives, and of those who didn’t pass…the lucky among them died excruciating, but relatively quick deaths.

    “For how long would my services be required?” he asked.

    “Perhaps only one night.  The object is a key, it’s in a certain place in Old London, that seems…closed to us.” she said.

    Alistair frowned. He looked around the room.  The wooden paneling was red, rich in color, and the leather furniture was its perfect compliment. The mood was dark and masculine, with an inviting warmth.  That it had been designed and furnished by Carmellas’ father, he had no doubt.  He sighed, for what seemed like the thousandth time in the last three days.

    “You seek a key?  One that’s hidden in one of the oldest and most malignant places on earth, for reasons that I cannot fathom.” he said. “I admit to some curiosity, but going alone into that dark…I’m not interested.”

    “You think I’m offering you a choice?” she laughed, and there wasn’t a shred of humor in it. She leaned towards him, locking her eyes on his face. “How old are you, Alistair? You served my father. And his father. And his father? And yet, you look not a day over 60. You may have left Family and House, but it’s clear you’re still benefiting from the terms of your…contract. As far as I’m concerned, that means you’re still bound by it. Bound, to me.”

    He considered his glass. It had found its way back into his hand and he took another drink before meeting her gaze. “I never liked you.”

    “I’ve prepared a file with all the pertinent details. If you have any material needs, that phone will ring the butler. He can procure anything. You may take the rest of the day and start in the morning, if you like. You’ll find that I’m not a cruel master.”

    Alistair drained his glass and reached for the folder. By the time he’d opened it, he was alone.

    Forty-five minutes later he set the folder down and sat back.  He produced a pipe from an inner pocket of his tweed sport coat and began tamping tobacco into the bowl.  The trip was always disconcerting, but he’d been through enough times to know that he’d live…that long, at least.  He did need her, after a fashion.  Bound to her?  Pure hubris on her part, but he could use that.  The flame of the match seemed to mirror a light dancing in his eyes, and for the first time in three days Alistair Hightower allowed himself the barest glimmer of a smile.

    ## End ##

    It was right after reworking the last paragraph for the third time that I decided the whole thing was self serving and trite, and I was going to toss it out.  Before I do, though, I’m going to post it for a few days.  I like the character, and the ideas, but I have no clear definition of their “world”, and I’m not comfortable moving on until I do.  This vignette may completely disappear.  I’m going to bed.

    In the Pipeline, and other news

    I just wanted to let you all know that I haven’t stopped blogging, or writing, or being alive.  It’s been a crazy week, and I’m actually working on something that Tesson asked for, which is a bit bigger than the little blurbs I’ve been posting every night.  Once that’s finished I’ll release it here.

    I’m also working on a sermon for Sunday, which is slightly (and only slightly) more important than satisfying Tesson’s desire for gothic content.

    I’ve been listening to the new Jakob Dylan album, “Seeing Things“.  Jakob Dylan is the former lead singer of the Wallflowers and son of Bob Dylan.  If you like the ‘flowers vocals, you’ll probably like this album.  It’s a little slower than the Wallflowers stuff, but very good.  He sounds like his dad, but he sings a little more melodically.  Bob Dylan meets James Taylor.  Very nice guitar, solid bass…traditional folk sound.
    I don’t know if my next post will be Sunday or Monday, as I’m shooting a wedding on Sunday and will be busy all day.  We’ll see how it goes.  That’s all for now, thanks for stopping by.

    -D

    Registration is OPEN!

    I wanted to let you guys know that you’re now able to register a username and password for davideagle.net. Doing so is the only way to comment, and may eventually give you access to User Icons. Lame? Yes. Useful? Probably not.

    I hope that doesn’t inconvenience anyone, but I get at least 5 comment spams in moderation every few hours, and uh…I’m really lazy about stuff like that, so I need to nip it in the bud before it turns into 200,000.

    I do definitely welcome and appreciate constructive input. Specifically, stuff you hate or stuff you’d like to see more of.
    Thanks for stopping by.

    Jobs I could never do:

    In her hand, the hot cup bordered on painful. The smell of coffee rose in steamy tendrils from the hole in the plastic lid. Her other hand fumbled with keys, and she cursed them quietly, trying to circumnavigate the ring with too many fingers, or too few. She tried several until the bolt finally turned. She paused before pushing the door open quietly, reverently. This was always the strangest time. She entered slowly, looking around. Gray light pushed lethargically into the room, illuminating nothing, only deepening the shadows in the corners.

    Her hand flipped the light-switch on, and she sighed. She took out her tally sheet and a rosary. Her mother had been catholic, and so she was as well, in the way that catholicism and Judaism have of recruiting new adherents, all unwilling and skeptical, by virtue of maternal affiliation. The room smelled of old carpet, and dust. She remembered reading that most dust was actually dead human skin, and tried to stop the question, but couldn’t…How much of the dust in this house derived from its most recent owner? She laughed nervously, and it sounded obscene.

    The curtains were lace, and yellowing. The linoleum flooring in the entryway was a shade of green popular in the 70’s, and best forgotten. She set her coffee down on the table, next to a coaster that depicted a naked cherub, clicked her pen and went to work. (4) Cherub Coasters, (1) coffee table, (1) sofa…and on and on, cataloguing an entire human life in ruled 8 by 11, notating dings and scratches and items of potential worth independently, for further research. Through the murky morning and into the afternoon she crawled through the house-turned-mausoleum, quickly and efficiently notating everything, trying to push thoughts of the dead out of her mind, even as she was confronted by their most private and personal secrets.

    She only screamed once, and it wasn’t her fault. No one had told her that there was a cat living on the premises, and when it brushed against the back of her calves she very nearly died, herself. Would that be ironic, she wondered, if she’d died right there? And who would do her estate sale? She thought about the things she had collected in 40 years, and wondered if they would be as beautiful and frightening as the things she always found in these houses.

    In reality, it wasn’t the material items that scared her. There was such a strong impression of the newly deceased in these places, around the things they had owned, it was as if they had just set that (1) golf putter down a moment ago, and would be coming back from the other room any second now to claim it. A shiver ran up her spine, then back down, and then up again, for good measure. She clicked her pen three times, closed her tally book, and kissed her rosary.

    She hadn’t gone to class long enough to know exactly how to use the rosary, which she thought of as the swiss-army knife of catholicism, but she assumed that if the need arose, Mary would guide her hands.

    Returning to the living room she saw her coffee, sitting on the cherub coaster. She swallowed. There was pink lipstick on the plastic lid. Pink lipstick the shade of (1) lipstick “Glorious Grapefruit”. Her back started doing the shivering trick again, and she didn’t bother picking up her coffee on the way out. Didn’t even bother locking the front door. No one would steal from this house. No one.

    From her car, she would swear for the rest of her life, she saw a lace curtain fall back into place.

    My body is a cage

    I keep trying to think of a plot, and I’m paralyzed.  I think about Neil Gaiman, I think about William Gibson and Stephen King and then I throw a few ideas around, and if I’m not directly stealing something then I can only come up with really interesting sort of peripheral ideas.  Whatever.  NaNoWriMo isn’t until November.

    Today was my first Father’s day.  I’ve gotten the barest glimmer of what it means to be a father, and I have even less tolerance and patience for men who abuse that post than I had before my ‘glimmer’.  And it was pretty thin to begin with.  The only thing I can figure is that some people are sub-human.  Only animals are supposed to eat their young, but is there a big difference between eating your offspring and debilitating them by discouraging or abusing them?  I can’t even imagine…it’s sick.

    Anyway, on to the work.

    The sound of a match striking, if slowed down, is almost a tearing sound.  It’s as if the strike pad and the matchhead when combined, work like magical relics.  With the correct degree of force, the right speed, and maybe a whispered incantation, they tear the veil separating our world from a world of flames.  Flame is lured through this rip by the fuel offered in the body of the matchstick, because fuel must be in short supply in the flame-world.  In this way, I think, the match is lit.

    That seems like the hard part, but it’s really not.  Next, you have to multiply the flame.  Flame to cigar, and then the barest inhalation…There’s certainly a lot of technique involved.  If you can get the cigar to light, it’s smooth sailing.  Well, not totally smooth, you have to keep it lit, which is a challenge, and get your wife to let you sleep in the same bed that night, which might be even more challenging…I digress.

    The old man does all of this in one fluid motion.  Sitting on a bench, in the park, watching the birds fight over something inconsequential.  He motions to them, chuckles, and in the slump of his shoulders there is a truth; these birds are miming the entire human experience.  Here we sit, fighting over the castoffs of greater men, and the greatest of these fight over pieces of a world forgotten by gods who’ve got better things to worry about.  And so we hurtle through blackness, bickering over paychecks, corner offices, nations…scraps of bread.

    What else, besides these battles, is there?  What can birds achieve?  They fight for scraps, as do we.  We are twins, both species fighting for sustenance, and perhaps, a little glut.  Trying to live as long as we can on this rock, forgotten by the gods, trapped, with our inherent humanity our limiting factor.

    The old man tosses more bread to the birds.  They coo and warble, and he coos, and warbles, and they look at him for a moment, their small beady eyes locking on his, recognizing kindred nature.  He nods, encouragingly, coos again, and they turn away, the moment passed, their frenzy for bread resumed.  The old man leans over painfully and grinds his cigar out on the sidewalk.

    "Perhaps tomorrow", he sighs.

    Then he rises, slowly, spreading mottled pigeon wings towards the sun, arches his back, and LIFTS .