Archive for the 'Life' Category

Is there a writer in the house?

Published
by
cdeagle
on October 29, 2008
in Life and Writing
. 3 Comments

It’s a blessing that October, which is historically recognized as the month that preceeds November, has 31 days in it.  Had it only 30, we would be at this very moment poised on the cusp of the National Novel Writing Month, or NaNoWriMo.

Fear not.  We have an entire extra day of procrastination.  For those of you that don’t know, the participants in  NaNoWriMo are a collection of individuals devoted to a singular purpose: The writing of a novel, being no less than 50,000 words, in thirty consecutive days. 

This year, I’ve cast my lot with that happy band of lunatics.  I’ve got a thumbnail sketch of a plot, a loose idea of some characters, and a vast wilderness of unmapped territory.  My goal isn’t riches, it isn’t literary praise, it isn’t glowing reviews.  It’s simply to finish, and finish I will.  I firmly believe that a human being can endure any torture, however grim, if he only knows that there is an end.  It is because of this belief that I am not terrified by the prospect of writing a novel in 30 days.  It will require sacrifice for a period of time, but the cost can be measured, weighed, and quantified.

I’ve never taken on any creative effort of this scope, though I’ve dreampt of it.  Inspired by a love of reading, and by a father who is a writer, the title of ‘novelist’ is one that I’ve always quietly revered.  To be published is a secret dream.  It’s taken years, and concious effort, to bring myself to a level of comfort where, despite an abysmal lack of self confidence, I can even talk about that desire.  To be honest, I feel foolish, even now.  Then there’s the fear.  Fear of failure, fear of ridicule, fear of being revealed and, having been revealed, having revealed oneself, being mocked.  I know that courage isn’t a lack of fear, but what one does in the face of fear, and while my life isn’t at stake, my pride is on the chopping block.  I’d almost rather risk my life, than reveal as much about myself as I undoubtedly will writing a novel.

Why do it?  If you’re a writer, you probably already know the answer.  Paddy Gillard-Bentley famously said, “The play is the thing!”  and I think that sums it up nicely.  We write because the novel is the thing.  We write because it’s something that we want to do, and are compelled to do, by some part of ourselves which we don’t rightly understand, but which wants us to be miserable.  In the defense of the craft itself, I’ve found that I’m only miserable when I’m thinking about writing and not doing it.  Like climbing a mountain, it’s the last breath before you start that is the most torturous.

That being the case, maybe I should be lamenting the 30 days which this month is comprised of, instead of exulting.  Perhaps if it were only 28 I could have attributed these words towards my 50,000 word goal.  

I’ll leave you with this invitation: Join us.   Lose yourself in a totally new experience.  Take thirty days of your life and convert it into a novel.  To quote William Shakespeare, “Be great in act, as in thought.”

What we’ve become

Published
by
cdeagle
on October 9, 2008
in Business, Economy and Life
. 2 Comments

“It isn’t like it used to be” I said, “You can’t just get an IT job because you have a ponytail and a Unix shirt.”

There was a bubble several years ago, fueled by the misapprehnsion that the internet was a magic portal to riches.  Companies created a visionary product that they would deliver over the internet, they pitched this idea to investors who knew it would make a killing, and invested heavily.  They put real money into an idea because they thought that the future of that idea was profitable.  Venture Capitalists, people who risked money for a living, did this.

During that era, we’ll call it the DotCom bubble, it was easy to be in IT.  In fact, for a period of time the mythos of the “IT Guru” rivaled that of the Lawyer or Doctor.  To say that we had ‘arrived’ would be an understatement.  I say “we” because this time was validation for a subculture which had been broadly and harshly denigrated up to that point, and with which I freely identify: the computer geeks.

It isn’t that we hadn’t been respected in our fields prior to the dotcom bubble, but the width and breadth of our desirability knew no bounds between 1998 and 2000.  We were rockstars.  No expectation was out of reach, no demand went unmet for the expert who knew everything and could get your idea on the internet.  Armed with a Dungeons and Dragon player guide, a witty and incomprehensible t-shirt, and a hairstyle nearly as surly as the affectations of it’s arborist, the Guru’s will was law.

But it wasn’t just the dedicated in our field who benefited during this time.  In conjunction with enrollments in nearly every collegiate Information Technology program increasing, anyone who knew how to turn on a computer was able to easily land a job as an “IT” guy.  

This situation was fueled more by ignorance than the Law of Supply and Demand.  It isn’t that there weren’t enough IT people to get the job done, but that no one knew exactly what kind of IT person they needed to do the job they wanted done.  Lacking clear direction, businesses hired the smartest person they could, allowed that person to set the agenda, and then hired several less competent (sometimes completely incompetent) people to shore up any possible holes in their infrastructure.  

And they should have known better.  Business ought not to allow any support personnel to set its agenda to the extent that IT people were allowed to call the shots during the Dotcom bubble.  That’s not why the bubble burst, but it is a lesson to be learned.  We exist to serve business, business does not exist to fuel interesting ideas, convoluted technologies, or hobbies that we couldn’t otherwise afford.  I digress.

The outrageous pay, the wide respect, and the perks lead even more people to declare themselves Computer Science majors.  Maybe we should have put up signs, but probably it wouldn’t have helped if the gateway to MIT and Rensselaer Poly-Tech said “Abandon all hope, ye who enter”.  The lure of promising, well paid positions in a new, exploding field was too much for some people.  They went, they got degrees, invariably they were given jobs that they either loved or hated, and either did well or failed at.  Because they came to the game late, because their motives were not “pure”, should they be dismissed?  That’s ridiculous.  And it is, again, beside the point.  The point is this: For a period of time, IT was the field to be in.  People flocked to it.

We know what happened next.  The dotcom bubble burst.  Suddenly, it wasn’t enough to have unfortunate hair and know how to work a computer, or say nonsensical things to your boss.  From 2000 to 2002 it was as if corporate America woke from a deep sleep, shook its head to clear its thoughts, and realized that it was being ridiculous.  Information Technology was standardized.  Expectations were laid down.  The attitude of entitlement was no longer accepted.  The technical workforce, no longer the golden child of industry, was forced to grow up and become professional.  

There are fewer of us now, because hundreds of thousands of people couldn’t cut it, or didn’t want to cut it.  Those who never really understood their jobs, or who felt that they were being treated appropriately during the ‘boom’, were the first to go.  Who was next and last are irrelevant, but who stayed matters.  The sharpest, the most reliable, those who integrated well with the business side of the shop, those who had a degree of professionalism, took their jobs seriously, and were committed to the work of Information Technology.  Oh, we still have our laughs.  Though we’ve gotten haircuts and wear ties, we haven’t changed all that much.  We still get more excited about technology than anyone should.  We still feel more alive in a humidity controlled room that’s 68 degrees fahrenheit, and too loud to converse comfortably in, than anywhere else.  And the ties carry the encrypted inside jokes that the t-shirts once did.

What’s the point?  After the dotcom bubble sorted itself out, there was another bubble, fueled by the misapprehension that home values would increase indefinitely, and that it was safe to buy a home of whatever price you could get a loan approved for.  During that era, it was easy to be a Realtor…

 

Autumn

Published
by
cdeagle
on October 7, 2008
in Business, Life and Writing
. 1 Comment

The sun shone down, turning the leaves to fire. We walked through their blaze, hand in hand.  Through the autumnal air rich with the scents of the small town, of lavender and somewhere in the distance a wood fire. We walked, as we had every day for the last 50 years, and though our bodies protested more now, our hearts soared as ever.

—

I’m leaving for Virginia tomorrow, on a business trip to coordinate one of the most difficult tasks of my career thus far.  I’m excited.  I mean, excitement is the primary emotion.  There’s a bit of trepidation in there as well, but mostly, excitement. 

It occurs to me that the things I do now, in the springtime of my life, are meant to prepare me for the greater victories that autumn will bring.  I can only hope that those victories require less labor, and reward me not with material things, but with the respite that I already long for.

I’m up and out the door in six and a half hours, so I’d best be off to bed.

Chasing the wind

Published
by
cdeagle
on August 30, 2008
in Life and Writing
. 0 Comments

I’ve recently realized that I love the smell of dogs.  Not the musty, stale and dirty pet smell, but the real smell.  There’s a difference in odors, and I think it’s based on lifestyle.  Your grandmothers Pomeranian has a specific smell that it developed as a result of hours indoors.  A lifetime spent sleeping under the dining room table and being stroked by old, leathery hands is bound to engender a certain scent.  This is certainly not pleasant, and not what I’m talking about.

To smell like a dog the animal has to have a little freedom.  They have to be allowed to roll in dirt, run through sprinklers, and chase the wind.  They have to be allowed to eat sticks, and wrestle, and dig in mud.  When this dog comes to you, not because he knows he’ll get a treat from you, but because he wants to teach you something about wildness, he is not, in any way, unpleasant.  Though he may muddy your tile, may shed dust on the floor next to your bed, may even, in his exuberance, plant filthy paws on your chest, there’s nothing unclean about this animal.  When you bury your face in his coat you’ll smell three things; the warm scent of a living thing, the green vividness of the world outside your door, and the soft, cool smell of contentment.  Of these things, which can you object to, or what’s not to love?

I suspect that this difference in smell is as much about the healthiness of the animals spirit as it is about their specific living conditions.  How can you flourish when you are not whole?  How can you be whole when a part of your nature is denied?  I’m not advocating complete freedom, or a life without rules by any means.  But dogs, like boys, have a wildness in them which must be encouraged.  To deny it in either species (and I don’t think any of you will disagree that a human boy is its own unique and challenging species) is to deny an essential part of them.

Daddy Time, Redux

Published
by
cdeagle
on June 30, 2008
in Life and music
. 4 Comments

Update: I originally wrote this last night, I’ve rewritten the last two paragraphs because they were essentially unreadable.  Now, I’m going to watch Revolver.

Kim decided to go see a movie with ‘the girls’ this evening, so Abby was left with me. She was fussy at first, but by the time I had her diaper changed, the car loaded, and the baby Bjorn adjusted, she was pretty much conked out. We met her uncle Brian at Starbucks, she woke up to eat and all that, and then he left and we went to Borders, because it’s her favorite.

I found the Orson Scott Card book I was looking for, “Characters and Viewpoint” and Abby got to ride around in her Bjorn. She really enjoys that thing, it settles her right down. That is, until I try to pull her out.

Oddly, the attendant told me that I was the second person wearing a baby (bjorn) who asked him where the books on writing were.

I was thinking about the odds of it. In the same day, two people wearing a baby went to the same Borders and asked the same employee where the “writing” section was. Maybe there’s someone else out there who looked at his daughter, who held her, who kissed her face, and said to himself, “Self…I can’t keep leaving her. There’s got to be a better way to live.” And if he does exist, I’d love to meet him. I’d love to talk to him over a cup of coffee, to figure out what he thinks about writing, and art and music, family and manhood, to see how similar we are.

He may exist, but I’d like to posit another possible reality…What if, in the future, I invent a time machine. I go back in time to get the last copy of a discontinued first edition of an important writing book. Since my future self was wearing a baby, it must have been a very near-future me. And if I was willing to risk Abby in a dangerous and untried time travel machine, the book must be extremely important. Despite my future-self knowing where the writing books were, I’d have to ask that attendant about it, to set the ball in motion…And that’s why I have to take Abby, so the attendant makes the connection and makes that comment to now-me, so now-me will know that the other guy is really future-me, and understand what I need me to do! If that’s the case, I need to go get started on my time machine right now!

Worldbuilding

Published
by
cdeagle
on June 29, 2008
in Life and Writing
. 0 Comments

It’s been a whirlwind weekend, and the majority of my “writing” has occurred in my notebook and in my head.  I’m on the cusp of having some things figured out that will make this project doable, and I might not wait till November to start.  That’s not to say I’m not doing NaNoWriMo, it just might be that the stuff I write for NaNo is the Middle portion of it, instead of the whole thing.

I’m really excited about the ideas I’ve been having, and I’m trying to let them marinate so I don’t mutilate them.  I have a feeling it’s going to turn into a “You can see it when it’s done”.  Even for my trusty Beta readers.  But if any nice little vignettes reveal themselves, I’ll certainly share them.

On Magic: I love it, and I want to create a magical world, but I don’t want magic to be a panacea for all problems.  I have some interesting consequences, as discussed briefly in a previous post.  Hopefully my concept is unique, and not…inane.  Look, I don’t want balls of fire smashing down buildings.  That’s not subtle or entertaining.  If you’re going to make a ball of fire it should behave like fire.  Not smash through a building.  I get that it’s magic fire, I do.  But Magic Fire is still Fire, right?  …Right?  Books are about humans dealing with problems.  Imbuing them with super-powers that obviate character development or personal sacrifice is lame and juvenile

I think that’s all I have for right now.  Work in 8 hours, time for bed…3 hours ago.

Hands-Free Cellphone law…Wow.

Published
by
cdeagle
on June 27, 2008
in Economy and Life
. 2 Comments

File this under “waste of taxpayer dollars” and/or “useless legislation.” Effective July 1st, 2008, California vehicle code prohibits the use of cell phones while operating a motor vehicle. There are several exceptions, but the only one that’s pertinent for most people is the “Unless you’re using a hands-free device” exception. The vehicle code reads as follows:

23123. (a) A person shall not drive a motor vehicle while using a wireless telephone unless that telephone is specifically designed and configured to allow hands-free listening and talking, and is used in that manner while driving.[1]

Why is this law stupid? There are so many reasons. All this law says is that if you’re talking on the phone while driving you must use a handsfree device (a headset, or on- or in-ear piece). The implication is that the act of holding up the phone, not the conversation itself, is what distracts drivers and causes them to be dangerous.

False, according to the University of South Carolina:

“We measured their attention level and found that subjects were four times more distracted while preparing to speak or speaking than when they were listening,” said Almor of the 47 people who participated in the experiment. “People can tune in or out as needed when listening.”[2]

And that makes sense. It’s not really distracting to hold your hand up to your face. It’s also pretty easy to listen to things without crashing. Talk radio has been around for a while, and hasn’t caused many major accidents, I’m sure. Here’s an easy test: Next time you’re driving, turn on your radio, then put your hand on your cheek. Continue to drive. Did you crash? Good.

While this law prohibits something that categorically is not dangerous, it also fails to prohibit things that are very obviously dangerous. What does it not prohibit?

  • Texting while driving
  • Checking your email while driving
  • Using a laptop while driving
  • Playing with your GPS unit while driving
  • Using a typewriter while driving
  • Kneading dough for a pizza crust while driving

    You get the idea. Any law that goes through the legislature costs California money. Pushing through stupid, ineffective laws that do nothing to improve quality of life or safeguard the community might be how the legislature stays busy in the slow season, but it shouldn’t be acceptable to those of us whom they work for.

    [1] Vehicle Code Section 23123
    [2] Talking Distractions: Study Shows Why Cell Phones and Driving Don’t Mix

    Hiring Preferences

    Published
    by
    cdeagle
    on June 27, 2008
    in Business and Life
    . 0 Comments

    In the world there are somewhere in the neighborhood of 5 billion different types of people.  Because I wouldn’t even COUNT to five billion (I could, but I wouldn’t) I’m not going to talk about each type.  But I will take 5 billion people and greatly simplify their astonishing uniqueness.  When hiring for a technical position I’ve run into four broad types of people.

    1. Qualified / Unmotivated

    This person is perfect for a position as a mall security guard, but may not be proactive enough to look for problems before they occur.  The problems with the Qualified / Unmotivated candidate often stem from their qualification.  Because they have experience with XYZ and know enough to recover from most major issues with the system, they’ve become lax in upkeep.  It costs them less time to repair a problem that has occured than it does to be proactive and take steps to prevent that problem, so they wait for disaster to strike before doing anything.

    2. Unqualified / Unmotivated

    The best combination of useless traits, the Unqualified / Unmotivated candidate often comes with an interesting Fringe Benefit: they think they’re the best thing since sliced bread.  These people either delude themselves, or know the truth and grossly exaggerate their own skill level.  In addition to being completely unqualified for the position you’ve advertised, they are so impressed with themselves that they feel no obligation to even pretend like they’ve studied, or are willing to study, the systems that you work with.

    3. Unqualified / Motivated

    These candidates can become the rock-stars of your team.  They know they’re starting out at a disadvantage, and if they’re sufficiently motivated and interested in their jobs they’ll expend Personal Energy* to bridge the gap, often learning more about their given responsibilities than a Qualified / Unmotivated person would ever learn.  The Unqualified / Motivated employee can be a boon to a manager that is only authorized to hire a Junior level resource.

    4. Qualified / Motivated

    This combination does not exist.  It has been rumored in several organizations, but I have seen no direct evidence of it being real.  People who are motivated by a desire to learn and excel (to be elite) are constantly putting themselves into positions for which they are unqualified.  By refusing to linger in a job that they are totally qualified for, but unchallenged by, they push themselves through often rapid and extreme personal and professional growth.  These are the only types of people that will ever reach the pinnacle of their profession, and when they get there they often take a very “Meta” view of their profession.  They look down at the mountain that they have climbed and start innovating, making the mountain better.  What else is there to challenge yourself with when you’ve mastered something, except improving the thing that you’ve just mastered?

    I think that the best employee to hire is the one who has shown evidence of their ability to learn (growth within each previous position) evidence of responsibility (growth of duties and tenure), and that can articulate a desire to learn and a motivation for that desire.  Irrespective of their experience with the specific technology that your company specializes in.  If you find this person, and you can hire either them or a lukewarm but well qualified individual who has been doing the same job for 10 years, there is almost no scenario in which it will be better for your department or company to hire the lukewarm “Qualified / Unmotivated” candidate.

    In fact, hiring this person would be actively detrimental to your productivity.  Maybe next week I’ll write a post on the importance of Culture vs. Consistency.

    On a completely unrelated note, is it tacky to Share your own blog post in your Google Reader?  ;)

    *: Personal Energy is a broad term that I use to describe the chi, the animus, the life-force of an employee outside of work hours.  This “personal energy” is usually used to hang out with friends, or go to Borders, or watch Lost.  Sometimes, it’s used to read technical manuals, write or tinker with programs that are work related, or think about better ways of doing ones job.  If a person is passionate about what they’re doing, and about the Vision of their organization, they will expend Personal Energy to accomplish Work Goals.

    In the Pipeline, and other news

    Published
    by
    cdeagle
    on June 20, 2008
    in Life, Writing and music
    . 1 Comment

    I just wanted to let you all know that I haven’t stopped blogging, or writing, or being alive.  It’s been a crazy week, and I’m actually working on something that Tesson asked for, which is a bit bigger than the little blurbs I’ve been posting every night.  Once that’s finished I’ll release it here.

    I’m also working on a sermon for Sunday, which is slightly (and only slightly) more important than satisfying Tesson’s desire for gothic content.

    I’ve been listening to the new Jakob Dylan album, “Seeing Things“.  Jakob Dylan is the former lead singer of the Wallflowers and son of Bob Dylan.  If you like the ‘flowers vocals, you’ll probably like this album.  It’s a little slower than the Wallflowers stuff, but very good.  He sounds like his dad, but he sings a little more melodically.  Bob Dylan meets James Taylor.  Very nice guitar, solid bass…traditional folk sound.
    I don’t know if my next post will be Sunday or Monday, as I’m shooting a wedding on Sunday and will be busy all day.  We’ll see how it goes.  That’s all for now, thanks for stopping by.

    -D

    Patience is a Virtue

    Published
    by
    cdeagle
    on May 6, 2008
    in Life and Writing
    . 0 Comments

    I love that the link I click on to write a blog entry is “create”.  I don’t think of writing as an act of creation, but of expression.  Maybe that’s the wrong way to look at it…It’s informed by my understanding of what I’m doing.  I’m not writing down something new or interesting, I’m just sort of..documenting what’s in me.  I think that’s why I like the Neil Gaiman quote that I posted a few months ago.  We’re all overflowing with worlds.  Hundreds of them, maybe thousands.  And I’m lazy about writing, so the only thing that gets out is the world, or the idea, or whatever, that pushes itself to the top, that bangs against the side of my head and screams its throat raw.

    And then I only write it because it needs to be sanitized.  You can’t just SAY “I cut the daisy from my throat” — you can’t say that you write something because if you don’t, you’ll have to crack your skull open to let it out, because it amplifies, and roils, and pushes, until it’s all you see when you close your eyes and all you hear when the radio turns off and the neighbors dog stops barking and the traffic is phased out by that part of your brain that decides what is, and is not relevant.  So I write it, I write it because I’m afraid of what I’ll say if I don’t sanitize my outputs.  And Natalie says that the goal should be learning to avoid sanitization, learning to speak frankly?  That’s crazy.  What would the neighbors say?

     

    That’s not what I meant to write about. 

    Patience is a virtue, which I do not possess.  When you find out that something you’ve been waiting for is about to become very, very real, it’s easy to get excited about it.  When you find out that you have to wait, it’s frustrating.  I’m glad we don’t have to induce, that’s awesome, but I (greedily) hate that I have to wait.

    The joke at the time of the wedding was “Are you ready?”…I think the expectation was a look of nervousness, or fear.  A split second.  In body language, they’re “Micro gestures”, the moment before you gain control of your face, erect the facade, when you are accidentally honest in your expression of whatever emotion you’re feeling.  I may even have pandered to that joke, said “Well, I guess”, fabricated a hesitation or a grim smile, as one going to the gallows.  If I did, it was because the alternative was ridicule.  Ready? Yes.  Really?  Absolutely. 

    Impossible.  The arrogance of youth.  This just proves it, doesn’t it?  Not ready, has no idea.  Doesn’t know what he’s getting into.

    But I felt ready, and if the last three years are any indication I was sufficiently prepared.

    Here we are then.  It’s going to turn my world upside-down.  I can’t prepare for it.  Nothing anyone says is going to tell me what it’s like and I simply can’t be ready for it.  Impossible.  I can only speak from ignorance, and I’ll certainly be regretting that, mark my words.  I should be happy that I have another week and a half, though it won’t come close to preparing me!

    Spare me that. 

    I’m ready.  I am eager.  In the core of my being I am deeply unconcerned.  Which leaves only impatience.  To see, to touch, to smell, to hear, and to know.

    But mostly, I want to eat her toes.